Get Smart-Memorable Quotes

Memorable Quotes

gent 99: Are you staring at my butt?
Maxwell Smart: No, no, I…I was, but I’m not…I’m staring again.

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Kid in Minivan: [sees Max dangling outside the window] Mom! Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom!
Mom in Minivan: Sean, Sean, Sean, Sean, Sean! You see how annoying that is?

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Agent 99: Max has no experience, and I don’t want him as my partner.
Maxwell Smart: Well, that is a sucker punch to the gonads.

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Maxwell Smart: I recently lost 150 pounds.
Max’s Dance Partner: Me too!

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Maxwell Smart: [Maxwell and Agent 99 swing towards a window but they hit the wall] Missed it by that much!

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Larabee: I’ll do it sir, I have no problem exposing myself.
Agent 99: Do you ever think before you open your mouth?
Larabee: No, I tend to just whip it out there.

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Maxwell Smart: Personal best!

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Maxwell Smart: I think it’s only fair to warn you, this facility is surrounded by a highly trained team of 130 black op snipers.
Siegfried: I don’t believe you.
Maxwell Smart: Would you believe 2 dozen Delta Force commandos?
Siegfried: No.
Maxwell Smart: How about Chuck Norris with a BB gun.

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Siegfried: Well, you’ve done your job, so I don’t suppose I can kill your wife Zenat. Although frankly I’d be doing the sighted world a favor.

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Shtarker: Too bad about all the dead movie stars.
Siegfried: Yes. What will we do without their razor-sharp political advice.

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Maxwell Smart: [99 is trying to get knife out of his pocket] That’s not my knife!

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Agent 99: I used to look like my mom.
Maxwell Smart: I used to look like two of my moms put together.

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Maxwell Smart: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
The Chief: I don’t know. Were you thinking, “Holy shit, holy shit, a sword fish almost went through my head”? If so, then yes.

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Maxwell Smart: [to Agent 99] Is that your default setting or something? Oh, today’s Tuesday, I’ll punch Max. Oh look, a box of kittens, I think I’ll punch Max. I have this piece of bread so now I’m going to punch Max.

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Agent 99: Did you see anything while I was dancing?
Maxwell Smart: Just once, but I don’t think you expected him to lift you that high.

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Shtarker: [after Siegfried gets thrown out of the car and over a bridge] What good hang time, huh?

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Agent 99: Did I hear something?
Maxwell Smart: Yes, there were some tap dancers in the hallway.

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Maxwell Smart: [Agent 99 leans to kiss him] 99 please, nobody here knows we’re dating.
The Chief: [walks by] Yes, they do.
Maxwell Smart: On the cheek.
[Agent 99 kisses his cheek]
Agent 99: [as they walk off] Give me a little one.
[Max kisses her on the lips]

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Maxwell Smart: There was a guy in the bathroom - and he was really hot!

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Maxwell Smart: It’s okay, 99. Big people feel pain, too.

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Siegfried: How do I know you’re not Control?
Maxwell Smart: If I were Control, you’d already be dead.
Siegfried: If you were Control, you’d already be dead.
Maxwell Smart: Neither of us is dead, so I am obviously not from Control.
Shtarker: That actually makes sense.

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Maxwell Smart: On 3: 1… 2… 3.
[fake-punches Bruce, Bruce falls]
Maxwell Smart: Wrong way.

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Siegfried: Son of a hamster.

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Shtarker: Are you crazy? This is radioactive material! One wrong move, and it’s ka-frickin’-boom!
Siegfried: This is KAOS. We don’t “ka-frickin’-boom” here.

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Maxwell Smart: Well, you were no help at all.
Agent 99: How could I help? I’m just a woman with a dusty old uterus.
Maxwell Smart: I never said dusty.

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Agent 99: Use your peripherals!
Agent 99: Do you see him?
Maxwell Smart: I’m just widening my eyes. I don’t actually see anything more.
[turns around to look]
Maxwell Smart: Woah, that’s a bad guy, that’s a really bad guy! Did you see his face? His head looks like one of the Easter Island heads!

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Maxwell Smart: Mother of pearl!

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