You don’t mess with the Zohan-full synopsis

YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN

The movie opens at a beach where Zohan (Adam Sandler), a Mossad agent is attracting a lot of attention of all the women around with his prowess. He shows his extraordinary power and skill by playing ball and cooking fish simultaneously, in nude, using copious amount of hummus for his friend, several women and himself. Just as he serves fish, his much deserved vacation is interrupted by Israeli Defense Forces helicopter. Reluctantly, he goes with them to complete a mission waiting for him.

Back at the base, he openly expresses his displeasure at being called back. He finally agrees to do another job of recapturing a Palestinian terrorist, beside another spy who is to be named later, after being heckled by his officer. The terrorist ‘Phantom’ (John Turturro) was freed in exchange of a captured Mossad agent. While having dinner with his family, he tells them that he is fed up with the ongoing war and wants to do something creative. He expresses his desire to go to America and become a hair stylist. His parents laugh at his wish and advice him to remain a soldier. He becomes disgruntled and cries himself to sleep.

He goes to capture Phantom and finds him quite easily using his superhuman agility and power. But Phantom evades arrest by jumping out of window with Zohan in hot pursuit. They have a fight in the sea from where Zohan manages to disappear leaving behind his trunks, to assure everybody including Phantom of his death. Phantom becomes a hero in Palestine for killing Zohan, who smuggles inside a pet crate aboard a flight to New York. He changes his hairstyle into a 1980s Paul Mitchell’s Avalon style and trims his beard. He also takes up the name of two dogs in whose crate he is traveling, Scrappy Coco, as his nom de plume.

Zohan’s initial attempts to find employment at various hair salons fail miserably. The chic Paul Mitchell salon and an African American beauty salon refuse to hire him despite his showing off his military skills. At a kids’ salon, he manages to frighten all children waiting for their turns to get a haircut, resulting in a pandemonium. Zohan helps a cyclist, Michael (Nick Swardson) using his astonishing military skills who, at once, becomes his friend and takes him home. Michael offers Zohan a place to stay but finds his overt sexual relationship with Michael’s mom, Gail (Lainie Kazan) quite disgusting.

Zohan’s love for disco takes him to a discothèque where he runs into a fellow Israeli Uri (Ido Mosseri) who is a great fan of Zohan. He recognizes him immediately but agrees to keep mum about Scrappy Coco’s true identity. Uri offers him a job at his electronic store which is turned down politely. After a few days, a disillusioned Zohan visits Uri’s store looking for a job. Uri refuses him saying that he must follow his dreams as working in an electronic store tend to kill dreams. But, Zohan is unwittingly introduced by Uri to a block in lower Manhattan packed with Middle Eastern Americans. The street is split in Palestinian side and Israeli side.

Zohan visits a salon run by a Palestinian woman named Dhalia (Emmanuelle Chriqui) and persuades her to hire him. Tentatively, she allows him to sweep the floor. In his enthusiasm, he does not let even a single strand of hair fall on the ground. Dhalia objects to his shop talk that is filled with sexual innuendoes. But the elderly female customers say that they don’t mind. Rather a woman specifically asks for him to style her hair. Dahlia allows him to be a stylist after he satisfies a senior lady with a good hair cut and gratifying back room sexual services. Soon the business picks up and there is a long queue of women out side the salon for Zohan’s services. Elderly women flock from all over Lower Manhattan and are heard commenting that “besides the sex, he gives a pretty good haircut.” The booming business of Dhalia upsets Walbridge (Michael Buffer), a corporate magnet who wants to construct a roller coaster mall in place of that street and has been trying to force all the tenets out of the block. Zohan suggests his Chinese American colleague to follow his techniques to please the customers. He shows him how to rub his crotch against the shoulder of a customer while giving her a head bath.

Zohan is finally recognized by a Palestinian cab driver named Salim (Rob Schneider) who once got into a fight with Zohan. Once, Zohan punched his face and took his goat away after Salim had thrown his shoe at him and spat on his face. Salim talks his friends into helping him eliminate Zohan. He rejects their suggestion that Zohan’s assassination should best be left for the professionals, like Phantom to handle. He argues that Phantom is already a hero, whereas he wants to become a hero after killing Zohan. They decide to make a bomb but don’t know how to do that. They just know that chemicals are used for the purpose. One of them remembers that nitroglycerine is one such chemical. They go to a pharmacy looking for that but due to faulty pronunciation by Salim they end up buying ‘Neosporin’, a medicine for minor cuts and burns. When it fails to blow Zohan’s work place, they have no other option but to contact Phantom through a Hezbollah hotline. Phantom, now, owns a successful fast food chain. Once he recognizes Zohan’s picture, he at once, agrees to come to New York to finish him off.

Zohan, in the meanwhile, falls in love with Dhalia but he is afraid to tell her that he is an Israeli. He starts suffering from erectile dysfunction except in her presence. Even visit to a doctor proves to be futile. He shares it with Gail and others at home and she explains to him that Dhalia must be the special one for him. Gail also encourages him to come clean with Dhalia about his true identity. But Dahlia turns his proposal down when she comes to know that he is a former Israeli counter-terrorist operative and asks him to leave because she knows that her family would never accept him.

Phantom reaches New York and confronts Zohan. Their fight is cut short by the news that Middle Eastern block is under attack by arsonists wearing Arabic clothes. These arsonists are actually racist whites hired by Walbridge to set off inter-ethnic riots between Israelis and Palestinians. He wants them to destroy each other’s property thus, paving way to the construction of his mall. Phantom and Zohan work in tandem to douse the fire and save the block. Dahlia appears and reasons with Phantom whom she calls “Fattoush” as he is her brother. She explains that everybody there is just trying to make a living and whether Palestinian or Isreali, everyone is tired of war. Their personal dreams and ambitions are being sacrificed at the altar of war. Phantom confesses that he always wanted to own a shoe store as he loves shoes.

Zohan’s personal dossier makes it possible for him to recognize the arsonists as Rednecks hired by Walbridge. A united Israeli and Palestinian front is lead by Phantom and Zohan to save their shops. They defeat the rednecks ruining Walbridge’s plans while damaging all the shops on the block by using “The Sound” which is a combination of stereotypical Arabic rhythmic calling and stereotypical Hebrew “chhhh” sounds. The police arrest Walberg for his crimes.

The block is now converted into collectively owned mall by both Israelis and Palestinians. Zohan and Dhalia open a joint beauty salon named ‘Dhalohan’ in the same mall. Phantom also fulfills his lifelong dream of owning a shoe store. The movie ends on a happy note when Zohan’s parents give him a surprise visit and approve their Palestinian daughter-in-law and his new salon by becoming its customers.